Category Archives: Erotica

A.H. Scott: Elevation

A.H. Scott

 

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Text by A.H. Scott, Copyright 2019

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ELEVATION

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“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” – Anais Nin

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First step; imagine this, you’re 18 with a bangin’ body and a lightweight brain.

Second step; now, turn around and you’re 50 plus with a not so lightweight body and a bangin’ brain.

Well, let’s see if my courage can match my feet and see where this one goes, shall we?

This is E L E V A T I O N.

Elevation is the mind, spirit and body.

She is a woman of a certain age.

She is a woman beyond the years so tender.

She is ME!

Women of a certain age are not trying to be in their 20’s or even trying to pretend to compete in the eyes of men aligned solely for youth.

There it is, that term; ‘women of a certain age’. Oh, sigh.

So, let’s explore. 

Okay, so is what elevation is completely based on sexuality, sensuality and scintillation?

It would be foolish to say it is and foolish to say that it isn’t.

I guess both halves of the whole are a part of what elevation is.

Being in some mythical lineup of long legs, buns of steel, and jugs of joy which haven’t been flirtatiously tapped by Father Time’s golden wand of gravity yet is not who I am.

Oh, so is that elevation?

Okay, maybe that might be it.

Or, is it a spiritual renewal or should I say reconnection with my own being.

Maybe the reconnection isn’t reconnection after all. It might be something far more exquisite; a first contact of my spirit that I have always avoided. Be it out of anxiety or fear.

Anxiety over having exuberance or an unseen joy, then thinking of the selfishness for being out ahead of my skis in hoping for that type of happiness for myself.

Fear of a conscious or unconscious thought of rejection if I said what I felt inside or acted upon my own desires for pursuing dreams beyond where I am situated.

Just give in…

Just let go….

Those are two thoughts that come to my mind.

Give in to what I want. Yet, what if I don’t know what I want.

I don’t mean being fickle or flaky, as if I can’t choose between chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry or even interest from the opposite sex towards me.

No, it’s that overarching ‘ask’ that probably the universe puts out there for me to answer of what I want from life or more importantly, from myself.

Expectations are a daunting thing to comprehend. And, as with the aspect of ‘want’ and ‘release’, I would say ‘expectation’ is that subject that can tip the balance of scales.

But, you know when I think of what is expected of me, as a woman is also mixed with that level of fear that can rise up in my backbone of obligation.

Expectation would be stark and purely rooted in base physicality; as obligation relies upon layers of depth.

Primal and callous hookup in a hotel room without strings and void of patience is what I think of as an expectation of me from another. Veneer ever so shallow of knowing this is in the end of a brief amount of conversation or dinner will end up with him trying to get me into bed.

And, if I’m being honest to that other person and more importantly to myself; that is not the type of woman I wish or hope to be.

Okay, so if the question that is asked of what I want; it comes to be something more than a ‘kitten’ and ‘rooster’ quickie that seems cold.

And, when I mean ‘cold’ I don’t mean there couldn’t be a feverish tumble in between the sheets. Oh, no, I mean vacant of emotion beyond him just getting off and using me as that warm body he’ll enjoy for a short while.

Yep, so I guess that is what I don’t want.

And, if I can say what I don’t want, it then shifts to what I do want.

Then there are men in this world that are evidence that there is something different which is offered. They afford me a path of ease without having to feel constantly in some seen or unseen perception of competition. So nice they are, I am relaxed and even have let my guard down during the give and take which is experienced with them.

On reflection I’d have admit it to myself; but I have had this feeling of obligation in showing a man’s kindness with actions and words of my own in return. That’s probably where I would make a misstep that could stem any furtherance of a relationship.

Let go. Yet, what if I release the reins I’ve held onto so tightly in the lane of self preservation all these years and what I’ve feared in my heart would come to pass?

Mocked and dismissed is what I fear, so my hands grip those reins as tight as I can hold to my core.

The fear of never really measuring up as a lover chills me to the marrow, as I’ve seen other women just swim effortlessly in emancipation’s intensity when it comes to being with a man.

You could say I’m like a door slightly ajar, open enough to be inviting to friends and strangers; but, not being exposed to the fullness that life holds.

The question that I hold in the back of my mind and stem of my soul is this: If I completely reveal myself sexually and spiritually, would there possibly be that crucial connection from another?

Conundrum is one way I could describe it, as taking that step to another level.

And yet, here I am grasping the brass knob and opening the door wider than I’d ever imagined.

This time in my life is my elevation of rising higher in spheres of relationships, from family and friends. But, more importantly, it is the exploration into other avenues of connection.

I know what I don’t want; casual hookups with a shrug of aftermath when departing a locale of liaison.

Never been into one-night stands when I was younger, and I sure as hell ain’t gonna start doing it now. That’s not me. That is not the woman I am.

The only thing about me that is casual is my wardrobe.

I know what I do want; something more than that.

I’m not a teenager, and I’m not in any way trying to be one. But, you know what; one thing which those that are younger have is that fearlessness in knowing they have their whole lives ahead of them. They don’t get bogged down in pessimistic perceptions of who they are and what stirs their exhilaration.

Okay, okay, I won’t play the ‘old lady’ card. But, wow, to be young, tight and full of flight can even make me stand on my tippy-toes to soar carelessly across the light fantastic. So, watch out, whippersnappers! (ha, ha)

You know as you go through life, as the days pass by and turn into years; you have those little interactions along the way. Chit-chatting here and there leads to one mutual dialogue of four words from my lips to whomever I’m talking with – ‘same old, same old’.

Question: Hey, how’s your life going?

Answer: Same old, same old.

Ugh, that wand of Father Time has whacked me on the ass with the SO-SO life! Whoa, that stings!

I know what I want, and it is something more than just same old, same old. But, then again, having a ‘so-so’ life is like a comfortable sweater or snuggly blanket of what one gets used to in keeping things on a thermostatic balance. Not too hot, not too cold. Just so-so.

My predictability has become that two-edged thorn that pricks me from time to time. One side is positivity of being a person that can be relied on, based on my patience, adaptability, and calm demeanor. But, that second side is a bit more tenuous in explaining the downside of being a person that is predictable. In some ways, that predictability is like having my feet planted in cement; for I can be perceived as being not a sprig of spontaneity, but a reed of regularity. 

Yet, life as we live it right now is happening all around us. And, a tiny sledgehammer is coming out of my back pocket to chip away at that cement of caution, as my hips start to sway and my arms begin to embrace enchantment.

Waiting for another to capture that spark from within is a fool’s errand. And, my parents didn’t raise a fool. (Knock wood on that fact) So, I guess I’m claiming that spark for myself. For me – hooray!

Exploring what flips my switch and ignites my motor is the journey that I am on. I’m not speeding down an unseen road, but coasting along at a speed of moderation taking in all that my eyes and soul can seek and absorb along the way.

So, what have I learned as that half century point has spun like golden thread on the spinning wheel of my life?

Desire doesn’t fade and the adventure of life can be filled with possibilities and exploration in coming moments, months, or years.

Some who may be reading this are probably thinking when I use those two words ‘possibilities’ and ‘exploration’; would snap to the conclusion of what I’m referencing is a whom.

Oh no! Although, if the universe is listening; hey, you never know.

Possibilities can go from learning the basics of a new language to diving headlong into off-beat subjects that may peak my interest. Or, even just as tiny a goal of losing another ten pounds and keeping it off. (Fingers crossed and brownies scratched off my shopping list)

Exploration can be as varied as updating my fashion style with a few accent pieces here and there; to hitting bookstores for some paperbacks or heftier fare.

Trying out some new recipes or even letting my taste-buds go on an unknown escapade of flavors. Who knows? The world’s an open kitchen!

Aspects of each have a way of going from that which is non-consequential to the beneficial in the big picture of my life.

I believe there is always room for improving oneself; even when you might not see it in the moment you change something about yourself.

For me, it’s in the knowing that desire that fills my soul and keeps this heart within me beating fast when I accomplish or learn something new is that feverish sense of fulfillment.

As for that fulfillment, it doesn’t have to appear as a connection from an outside insertion inward, but an internal blossom outward from within myself.

May not be that inferno of decades past. Yet, that flame still remains. It smolders. It lingers. It sizzles. It flickers.

Flickering….oh, flickering….and, even those embers that remain are perpetually tickling.

To my own surprise, I am rising! I am exploring! I am elevating to that next level! I may not know what awaits me around the next corner, but my embrace is in a single direction – upward!

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Photo: Tony Ward, Copyright 2019

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About The Author: A.H. Scott is a poet based in New York City and frequent contributor to Tony Ward Studio. To read additional articles by Ms. Scott, go here: http://tonywardstudio.com/blog/a-h-scott-do-right-woman-a-travesty-in-two-acts-2/

Also posted in Affiliates, Blog, commentary, Current Events, Environment, Friends of TWS, Popular Culture, Portraiture, Women

Bob Shell: The Token Photo Sets

Photo: Bob Shell, Copyright 2019

Text by Bob Shell, Copyright 2019

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The Token Photo Sets

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At the beginning of 2001 I was forced out of my job as Editor in Chief of Shutterbug in a disgraceful, underhanded “palace coup.” I had been assured for years that I had ultimate job security, indeed my name was first at the top of the magazine’s masthead, and I had literally turned the magazine from a tabloid on yellow newsprint into a respected photography journal. Behind my back the coup plotters had told the corporate people in New York that I wanted to retire. I definitely did not want to retire. I was at the top of my game, 54 years old and full of energy and creative juices. By the time I realized what was up a new Editor in Chief had been hired and it was too late to stop the changes. I still have very hard feelings about this all these years later. It was some consolation, but not much, that the man who engineered my betrayal was himself out on his ear not too long after.

But, the long and the short of it was that I was still writing and doing other things for Shutterbug, but at exactly half my former income. I had to really scramble to make up the shortfall. I was writing for other photo magazines (while still the Chief Editor for Shutterbug my contract didn’t allow me to write for other photo magazines). But at $ 300 or so per article, that wasn’t bringing in the bucks I needed. A photographer friend in Canada told me about an agency that sold photo sets to token websites. In case you don’t know what a token site is, it is a website that you go on and buy tokens. The tokens can then be “spent” on that site or several others to buy photos and videos for download. I decided to give it a try, and shot some sets of models I knew. The formula was simple, woman starts out fully clothed and strips throughout the photo set until she is nude and then does some “show it all” poses. Some sets introduce sex toys or male partners, but not mine. Around 50 -100 photos per set. That’s it. Pretty much like the photo spreads in the men’s magazines, but more photos. Horny guys would pay to buy tokens and download the photo sets and videos.

Most of the models I knew had no problem with this sort of work, so I worked up a new contract to pay them a posing fee plus a percentage of the profit from the photos. I then wrote a Photoshop action to tweak and resize the images. At first I was shooting on film and using a Nikon Coolscan scanner to batch scan the film strips, but as soon as they came along I bought one of the first Canon digital SLR cameras and shot the photos with it. I believe it was only three megapixels or so, but was plenty good enough for Internet. These photo shoots turned out to be pretty lucrative, giving me and the models money, and the same sets of photos sold over and over as new people discovered them. Of course, this was volume shooting without much creativity, and pretty quickly started to get boring. To relieve the boredom I started shooting my own stuff with the models after we got the token shots in the can. That helped. I did a lot of token sets with Marion after we met. She really liked showing off for the camera. Nice checks were coming in every month. But when I was arrested.in June of 2003 the agency pulled all my photo sets out of circulation. That made me really angry, because I was supposed to be presumed innocent, but my arguments fell on deaf ears. Since nothing ever really vanishes from the Internet, those photo sets are probably still floating around out there in cyberspace. I was just gearing up to add videos when I was shut down. It was nice easy work while it lasted, the models and I often had a hoot shooting the photos, and it helped to keep the bills paid.

Did I have a problem with shooting what was essentially “softcore porn?”. My philosophy was the same as an old friend and photo magazine columnist. He always said, “Shoot anything that pays the bills, but whatever you shoot do the best possible job.”. I agreed.

I understand that today there is so much free stuff on the Internet that pay-per-view sites have a hard time surviving. I know that Marion’s favorite site probably survived, since it was full of free photos and videos. Every morning without fail I could find her in front of our iMac checking out consumptionjunction.com .

I used to look over her shoulder at the really weird photos and videos she loved. When she tired of this we’d watch the Naked News together (www.nakednews.com), a strange news site where the actual news was read by pretty women who stripped while reading. One of the strangest things I’ve seen on the Internet.

Who knew when the Internet first came along that it would become the major purveyor of porn? Just as when TV first came along, people thought its main use would be education — NOT!

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About The Author: Bob Shell is a professional photographer, author and former editor in chief of Shutterbug Magazine. He is currently serving a 35 year sentence for involuntary manslaughter for the death of Marion Franklin, one of his former models.  He is serving the 11th year of his sentence at Pocahontas State Correctional Facility, Virginia. To read more letters from prison by Bob Shell, click here:http://tonywardstudio.com/blog/bob-shell-starting-a-studio/

Editor’s Note: If you like Bob Shell’s blog posts, you’re sure to like his new book, COSMIC DANCE by Bob Shell (ISBN: 9781799224747, $ 12.95 book, $ 5.99 eBook) available now on Amazon.com . The book, his 26th, is a collection of essays written over the last twelve years in prison, none published anywhere before. It is subtitled, “A biologist’s reflections on space, time, reality, evolution, and the nature of consciousness,” which describes it pretty well. You can read a sample section and reviews on Amazon.com.

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Elaine Walters: Fear and Age at 50

 

. Text by Elaine Walters, Copyright 2019

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Photography by Tony Ward, Copyright 2019

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Fear and Age at 50

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I feared the idea of turning 50. That number just began to hover over me around the age of 45. I sailed through my 30’s and early 40’s as if I was still a 20 year old. Those ages didn’t slow me down in the least. I felt like I had my entire life ahead of me and I had so many ideas about who I wanted to become. I lived passionately, pretty carelessly, and a bit on the wild side. I was a slave to my heart and quite impulsive because of that. But I had time, so much time make it all happen.

Then, before I knew it, I was looking in the mirror, seeing the changes. The person staring back didn’t quite look like me anymore. Then came the realization that nothing in this life is forever. I think we know that, but it’s different when the time actually comes. It’s definitely a stop and pause moment. It’s scary, the impermanence of everything, health, family, friends, careers, and the seemingly simple gift of movement. To quote a friend, “the correlation between age and loss is not unfounded.” It has definitely been a turning point in my life. A lot of reflection and “what will my legacy be, what have I done that’s important, and what happens now?”

So, here we are ~ midlife. I’m still scared, but you know what? I’ve stepped outside my comfort zone a TON in this last year. I joined CrossFit after debilitating back pain when everyone told me not to, I started a business (at fucking 50!), and last week I got in front of the camera for this photoshoot.

The photoshoot was a big one. For as long as I can remember, maybe as far back as 9 or 10, I have been hyper focused on my body’s every flaw. Every dimple, every roll. Where I’m too flat and where I’m too full. I got into bodybuilding because that’s where I was going to reshape everything that was wrong with me. I worked hard, as I always do when I want something, but the harder I worked, the harder I was on myself and my shape. The closer I got to being on stage, the more my imperfections were magnified. Then, came a moment where I thought, this isn’t what this is supposed to be about. I do this because I want to be strong, I want to feel powerful, but mostly, I want to love who I’ve come to be.

This is when my original no, I’m not comfortable enough with my body to be photographed changed to, yes, I love who I’ve become, I want to do this. I couldn’t have been more comfortable being photographed on this lovely farm. The horses, the sun, the beautiful barns. These are things that have always brought me peace, a deep connection to my soul, and all that is important to me. All of the curves that I cursed were no longer even a thought. I was at home. Maybe this is what midlife brings, realizing the things that truly matter in life, finding where beauty and strength truly exist.

In retrospect, I think I’ve lived chasing my future so intently (where will I be tomorrow), that I’ve never actually been present. I’ve never loved the moment. I’ve never loved ME in the moment ~ this moment. And the deeper truth is, I’m not sure it was my future I was chasing at all. I was chasing a better version of me. So maybe my 50’s needs to be less about fear and more about what is now, who I am now, and just loving her, in this very moment.

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About The Author: Elaine Walters lives and works in Wilmington, Delaware.  Outside of the office, all of her time is spent riding horses and running her nutrition and fitness business where she coaches clients that are fed up with the diet industry.  This is Elaine’s first contribution to Tony Ward Studio.

She can be found on Instagram @elainecoale

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Katie Kerl: Eroticism Wins

Photo of Katie Kerl by Tony Ward, Copyright 2019

 

Text by Katie Kerl, Copyright 2019

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Eroticism Wins

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This time last year I was debating if I should take photos with Tony Ward or not. I  am so happy I decided to do it! I did not listen to one person that told me it was a bad idea because of social judgment. It was one of the most freeing things I’ve done in my adult life.

 I even ended up in his current photography book on two pages! There are a slew of other famous professional models in the book, as well as other impressive creative’s. That was pretty cool on its own, but getting to blog about my life with no restrictions might have saved me.

I SAVED MYSELF by writing and getting out what I was going through at the time. Being real in the things I was talking about got a lot of attention from people I have not heard from in years. Thanking me for choosing topics no one talks about, but everyone can relate toI have Tony to thank for that. Many people call him a mentor. I absolutely see why including myself now. He lives life exactly the way he wants to despite stigma, encourages people to be free, and find that thing that gives you inner peace. Now I am lucky enough to say that about myself. I always loved to cook and be fit, that brought me confidence in the way I lookbut it did not give me inner peace.  

Everyone sees bloggers on vacations, free products they receive, and eating at the nicest places in the best outfits. I never thought that spilling my roller coaster of life events would touch so many people. In fact I was expecting the opposite response

As time passed I got out a lot of things that bothered me. I cut my drinking in more than half. I was the epitome of a train wreck with everything I had dealt with in the last five years. This new hobby really made me understand once you find your PASSION destructive behavior is no longer appealing.

 It also made me realize decision making sober is emotionally fucking taxing. I still have a few drinks now, but I was polishing off bottles of wine and whiskey like they were waterI was very quick to dismiss people that no longer suited me. I am more tolerant now and have learned patience. Well, more than I had before ha!

After writing about myself for the better part of the year; I turned my focus to friends who went through major life changes following their dreams. Happiness is more important to them than being in a career path they hated. 

That led me to Derek Bailey. We came across each other on Instagram.  When I saw what he was doing I immediately asked to interview him. Derek agreed and welcomed any positive press for his new green car innovation. That interview will be published as soon as his car gets to the U.S. 

Tony will actually be taking the photo for that one. Another pretty dope thing; a famous photographer wanting to take photos for something I have written!

Derek liked my interview so much he proposed it be turned into a video podcast sponsored by his car company

Whether or not that ends up happening the fact he is in a different realm of business, and a leader in green automotive technology was quite the compliment. He is in the business of building businesses and making people money. Maybe I have written enough to not only have this be a rewarding hobby; but possibly one day a new career path. 

A year writing for Tony Ward Studio does a mind, body, and soul good.

I hope you all find the same inner peace. 

Thank you for Kerling up with Kate this year!!

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Portrait of Katie Kerl by Tony Ward, Copyright 2019

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Katie Kerl was raised in Drexel Hill, Pennsylvania. She is currently living  in Northern Liberties, Philadelphia. Katie has a background in Psychology from Drexel University. She is a manager in the commercial/residential design field . Katie can be reached  on Instagram @kerlupwithkate 

For collaboration e-mail: Kate.kerl32@gmail.com

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To access additional articles by Katie Kerl, click herehttp://tonyward.com/katie-kerl-dream-catching/

 

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Portrait of the Day: Gina

Portrait of Gina by Tony Ward, Copyright 2019

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To see more pictures from Tony Ward’s erotica collection go herehttp://tonywarderotica.com/category/membership-account/

 

Also posted in Art, Blog, Cameras, Diary, Documentary, Environment, Glamour, lifestyle, Models, Nudes, Photography, Popular Culture, Portraiture, Student Life, Travel, Women