Mikala Taking a Sip
Poetry and Essay by Mikala Mikrut, Copyright 2018
Photography by Alex Meyer, Copyright 2018
Her nails, blades that once cut along the dotted line around her neck.
Her skin, galaxies for you to explore but never conquer.
Her laugh, flames of fire to keep you warm under that starry sky.
Her eyes, roses at first glance and brambles at second.
She has more to learn before she finds you.
She was so used to inhaling smoke that wasn’t hers, now there will only be fresh air.
We live in a world drowning in negativity.
It is so easy to fall into the mindset of most, that life is excruciating with all of its trials and unexpected turns for the worst. I am no stranger to self deprecating thoughts. However, I have always known the power of loving oneself and haven’t toyed with that positive power until recently. As people once close to me cut me out of their lives for their own (I hope) justifiable reasons, I am choosing to accept who I am and to move forward by trying to better myself.
I believe in me. I believe in the good in people and that every action has an equal and opposite reaction, because life is not made out of expected moments but it does balance the choices we make. Sometimes we make wrong decisions, and that’s okay in the long run. We are only human, an imperfect species by design. It’s what we do to follow up our actions that speaks volumes; making a promise then breaking it speaks volumes as much as saying something you didn’t mean and then making amends.
I acknowledge my own self worth; my confidence is soaring. On this journey of self love, through the testimonies of friends armed with countless examples of the good I have done, I have found that I really am worth attention and love. I even read somewhere that “fake it ’til you make it” really works, so now I even made it a point to walk anywhere with my head high. I’m proud to report that not only do I feel better, but there have been actual instances where strangers walk up to me and express their admiration.
I am not my mistakes. There have been nights where I hardly sleep because I berate myself over and over on what I “should” have done. What I have realized, though, is that it doesn’t matter. If my wrongdoing was to someone that really knows me, then they will accept my apology and forgive me for acting out of my norm. We cannot be expected to be happy and kind every second of every day, and it is of the upmost importance that we learn to forgive ourselves.
The poem I wrote was inspired by a drawing I came across that really resonated with me. I know I’m not perfect, if there even is such a thing, but I am so grateful for that because it gives me a direction to go. I know so many people who wake up, go to work, then go to bed unfulfilled and do it all again the next day. That will not be me, I refuse. I will be a strong, happy woman that accepts her trials rather than expecting life to be perfect and cursing the universe when it isn’t.
Mikala Meditating by the Pool