Posted on April 21, 2013 by Nefertari Nelson-Williams
I miss you. I think about you every morning and every night. Although we never met I yearn for your love.It was the moment that I realized that my menstrual was not going to come that month and the fear overwhelmed my body. I had two hands and babies in both. How could I take care of another?
I looked down at my belly and nothing was there, so surely this thought was not real so I told myself. If I got to the doctor they can make that statement true or false with a simple procedure.
But is it simple? I gave birth to your siblings years later after I had a home for them to live in and money to feed them. I had hoped that one of them would say, “Mom it’s me.” The procedure took your body out of mine but your soul remained. Nothing nor anyone could ever replace you…not ever.
I suffered a massive heart attack at the age of 34. I accepted my heart attack as punishment for what I had done. However, it is nothing compared to the emptiness in my soul that longs for you.
With the 40th anniversary of Roe v Wade among us this year, 2013 – I am torn about my decision. If it were illegal would I have made a different choice? Would I have been more careful to be sure such a thing couldn’t happen? Would I have you here in my arms instead of in my thoughts?
When I hear the phrase “Pro-life” I feel that it imply’s that there is somehow an opposite to that statement. No woman on earth is anti-life. No one ever wishes to get into a situation with the desire to end a life in this manner. I live with the after effects of my decision daily. I scan my mind and my heart with questions often and I never have a simple answer or conclusion. I would rather live with this guilt then to have brought you into a situation where you would not have the love and care that every child deserves. Or should I have just brought you here and hoped for the best? Should I have depended on the government to help me with child care and food, burdening others with the needs of my children?
Some sit back and judge but that decision is not a lite decision to make….for anyone…ever. It is just as hard as the decision that many woman make that gets them into the situation to begin with. I know this to be true. Should I just lay back and relax and let the doctor finish-it will hurt less? Until you have had to make this decision….you can never know how it feels nor will you ever understand.
Abortion is legal in this country. We as women have a right to choose what happens to our bodies. Some say they agree with this choice only under their conditions, however no one has the right to tell anyone what is best for their body under any circumstances. If it were up to me I would save every baby on earth. I would nurse and hold them until there is no more crying, neglect, abuse and or pain, however my love is just as deep for every woman on Earth.
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