Sadness Archives - Tony Ward Studio

Allison Denenberg: Perspective

Posted on March 12, 2015 by Allison Denenberg

About a month before my sister started high school and I began my freshman year of college, we found out that our mom had cancer. We were heartbroken and afraid, but also shocked and confused. How could something like this happen to our mom? She was so healthy. So alive. So kind. So undeserving of such a diagnosis. We feared that we were going to lose her, and we didn’t know what to do.

For months, we watched her undergo intensive chemotherapy treatments. She became frail and fatigued, but never stopped smiling. She constantly reassured us that she was fine, and that everything would be okay. Our mom was a ray of positivity and hope through one of the darkest times of our lives.

My sister and I learned a lot as a result of our mom’s illness. For one, it taught us not to sweat the small stuff. Failing a test, not getting the lead role in the play, being rejected from your top choice internship – these disappointments barely scratch the surface of the sadness and hopelessness that you feel when someone you love is sick and there is nothing you can do to heal them.

It has also taught us to be more appreciative of the good things in life, both big and small. A sunrise, the excitement of a first date, spending time with those you love – these are the things worth focusing on. It isn’t healthy to dwell on the negatives, because in doing so, you might overlook something wonderful.

While I never would have wished our mom to go through such an ordeal, there was definitely value in the experience. Watching her take on her illness with such positivity and grace was inspiring – and I was astonished at how her strength influenced my sister’s (and my own).

Now that our mom is better, we have all gained some peace of mind. But in her illness, we gained perspective.

About the Author: Allison Denenberg is a senior enrolled in the College of the University of Pennsylvania, Class of 2015.

Jesi Kim: Grieving

Posted on February 22, 2015 by Jesi Kim

The death of a loved one impacts each individual in varying manners. Many theories involving grief have been established, but it seems unrealistic to force a pre-determined linear path into such an individualized process. The loss of someone who is so dear can lead to a cluster of emotions that range from depression to regret.

The thought of never being able to see her father again is a source of confusion for her as if she went back when she was in second grade and could not explain why her mother was crying alone on the bed. The same sinking feeling that sucked her in and made her feel like she was falling into an eternal abyss, uncertain whether this feeling would ever subside.

However, sometimes she sees her father, smiling at her like he always did. She describes them as her “sweetest dreams”. She knows that when she wakes up from this state, he will disappear and she will once again be without a father. That vivid dream where his touch was gentle and his touch was warm haunts her.

She begins to regret her actions. If only she had known that her time with her dad would be so precious, she would not have expressed that annoyance towards him. If she had it her way every moment would have been nicer, sweeter, more pleasant. She would show him nothing but how much love she has for him.

However, she has to realize that her father is still with us. He will always have a presence in this world through the impact that he has had and her memory that keeps him alive. He thought that “watching [his] daughter graduate from college, walking her down the aisle, teaching [his] grandchildren how to fish” would not be a possibility, but he was mistaken. Although he has changed into a new form, he is still very much present, and is proudly smiling at what she has become.

About the Author: Jesi Kim is a senior enrolled in the Engineering School of the University of Pennsylvania, Class of 2015.

About the Model: Naomi Tsai is a senior enrolled in the College of the University of Pennsylvania, Class of 2015.

TWS: Portrait of the Day in Celebration of Black History Month

Portrait of the artist, Mikel Elam. by tony ward — Title: Portrait of Love