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Qingxin Zhao: Crushed

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Posted on September 30, 2015 by Qingxin Zhao

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Clive is a young man who fell in love. He first met his boyfriend, Grey, at a restaurant; their eyes kept on drifting towards each other’s. Even though this was Clive’s first encounter with love, he felt the spark and knew what it meant. Grey was his first crush.

Grey also noticed the spark between them, and he gave Clive his phone number. After a day, Clive realized that he could not keep his mind off of him, so he initiated contact. Luckily, Grey still felt the same way, and they went on a date—and then another and another. Whenever Clive thought of the funny jokes that Grey would tell or any of the quirky little things that Grey did, he would smile to himself. Life was good.

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All of Clive’s friends saw them as a cute, perfect couple. After all, the two of them got along so well that they could practically read each other’s mind. When playing video games, they understood each other’s strategies without having to communicate verbally. They just clicked.

After a few months of dating, Clive and Grey started seeing their relationship as a more serious, long-term affair.

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They also became more honest with each other. Grey was practically addicted to a video game called League of Legends, and Clive disapproved greatly. Grey played so often that he often shirked work and school. However, Grey also saw what the game was doing to him and promised to stop playing.

Two weeks later, though, Clive logged onto his League of Legends account to check on something, and he saw Grey playing a game. Feeling extremely betrayed, Clive confronted Grey.

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It turns out that Grey had been playing every day even though he promised Clive that he would stop. This issue was also not isolated—the couple was having other trust issues as well. Clive realized that he could never be with someone he did not trust, so he broke up with Grey. Grey tried to win him back, but Clive’s decision had already been made.

After the confrontation, Clive cried hysterically for hours. Whenever he thought of what happened, he felt angry and sad. How could someone he loved do this to him? Why did Grey not realize how much he was hurting him? Well, it was too late for Grey. Clive realized how much of a loser he was. Besides, Clive had other priorities, such as finding a job for after graduation.

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However, Clive could not help but feel as though he was partly to blame. Maybe he was too controlling of Grey? Furthermore, if he did not love Grey anymore, then why did he feel so empty inside and even longed for that feeling with Grey to return? Should he give Grey a second chance? Nevertheless, Clive’s heart was now crushed.

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Photography & Text by Qingxin Zhao, Copyright 2015.

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