Posted on February 22, 2015 by Jesi Kim
The death of a loved one impacts each individual in varying manners. Many theories involving grief have been established, but it seems unrealistic to force a pre-determined linear path into such an individualized process. The loss of someone who is so dear can lead to a cluster of emotions that range from depression to regret.
The thought of never being able to see her father again is a source of confusion for her as if she went back when she was in second grade and could not explain why her mother was crying alone on the bed. The same sinking feeling that sucked her in and made her feel like she was falling into an eternal abyss, uncertain whether this feeling would ever subside.
However, sometimes she sees her father, smiling at her like he always did. She describes them as her “sweetest dreams”. She knows that when she wakes up from this state, he will disappear and she will once again be without a father. That vivid dream where his touch was gentle and his touch was warm haunts her.
She begins to regret her actions. If only she had known that her time with her dad would be so precious, she would not have expressed that annoyance towards him. If she had it her way every moment would have been nicer, sweeter, more pleasant. She would show him nothing but how much love she has for him.
However, she has to realize that her father is still with us. He will always have a presence in this world through the impact that he has had and her memory that keeps him alive. He thought that “watching [his] daughter graduate from college, walking her down the aisle, teaching [his] grandchildren how to fish” would not be a possibility, but he was mistaken. Although he has changed into a new form, he is still very much present, and is proudly smiling at what she has become.
Photography and Text by Jesi Kim, Copyright 2015
About the Author: Jesi Kim is a senior enrolled in the Engineering School of the University of Pennsylvania, Class of 2015.
About the Model: Naomi Tsai is a senior enrolled in the College of the University of Pennsylvania, Class of 2015.