grief Archives - Tony Ward Studio

Jing Liu: Time Heals

Posted on March 20, 2015 by Jing Liu

Yang is a friend of mine. I met him in class in 2014 and my first impression of him was cold and unfriendly. He seldom talked and he was always by himself. We didn’t even say hello until we were assigned to the same study group half a year later, and that’s when we started to get familiar with each other. As we learned more about each other, he started to open his heart and tell me a story hidden deep inside his psyche.

Yang grew up in Beijing, and he met his girlfriend Chi when he was 17. It was his first love. They were still high school students then where they used to sneak out of school, drank beers while sitting on Tiananmen Square late at night. They talked about dreams and the future while lying on the grass in the park. They forged ID’s to get a hotel room. They went to an Art Museum and stared at one painting of Vincent van Gogh for a whole day without talking. They did all sorts of crazy things together. They were classmates, friends, soul mates, lovers and eventually went to college together. They were happy for four years. Yang thought they would get married, because he believed Chi was the one. Unfortunately, something bad happened. Chi passed away suddenly because of a car accident. It’s very painful for a young boy to accept this fact. He fell into a deep sorrow, felt lonely, helpless and desperate.

Beijing is a city full of good and bad memories for him and he couldn’t stay in the city anymore. He decided to go abroad to escape from the painful memories. That is why he came to Upenn, where he hoped a foreign environment and stressful graduate student life would occupy his mind. But the loneliness even made him worse and he turned to drugs and alcohol. He lost himself, and didn’t believe he’d have the ability to love anyone else, including himself.

He said he’s very thankful for my friendship, because of one unintentional word of mine. A long time ago when were not so close, I was talking about a scar on my knee and I said: “time will heal all of your pains.” I smiled and I looked into his eyes. He realized, yes, maybe time is the cure.

Is time the cure? He doubted, he waited, he struggled, he tried.

He tried so hard. He is better now, at least he no longer looks like the lonely and sad boy as before. He communicates more with others, he goes to parties and he meets more new friends.

But I can still feel his weakness inside. He’s like wearing a mask. Time cures him partially and gives him the ability to camouflage. There is still a long way to go for time to heal his heart. I believe the power of time and so does he.

About the Author: Jing Liu is a graduate student in Fine Arts at the University of Pennsylvania.

I’Mani Sellers: Better Half

Posted on March 17, 2015, by I’Mani Sellers

Kass has been seeing Denny for a while now and their relationship is very serious. Kass prides herself in not worrying about what people think about her and not letting that influence her decisions about life. Kass also prides herself in not letting just anyone into her life. Denny was a very different story.

She has known Denny and she has seen him grow and mature, just as he sees her grow and mature. They spend as much time together as they possibly can. Kass describes him as her better half. Kass and Denny have planned everything about their future, and they would not let anything change or jeopardize that. At least that is what Kass thought.

Denny came to Kass one day and told her he had enlisted in the army and was leaving to boot camp in three weeks. Three weeks was all they had left together for a while. It hurt Kass so much, because she believed Denny betrayed her; he had betrayed their dreams. She was angry; she wanted nothing to do with him for a while. She was ready to erase him from her life.

As she counted down the days, she realized she would regret not speaking to him before he left, so she gave him one last goodbye. She sought comfort in her friends at school, but nothing was like the touch of his arms around her as she hugged him. Nothing else could complete her. She writes him letters, and every time she signs them with, “How can you live without your better half of your heart?”

She still sits at home, waits for his return, does her daily routine of going to classes, but she does not feel like she is living. She is still looking for the answer, of how to live without her better half.

About the Author: I’Mani Sellers is a sophomore with a focus on the field of STEM, College of the University of Pennsylvania, Class of 2017.

Jesi Kim: Grieving

Posted on February 22, 2015 by Jesi Kim

The death of a loved one impacts each individual in varying manners. Many theories involving grief have been established, but it seems unrealistic to force a pre-determined linear path into such an individualized process. The loss of someone who is so dear can lead to a cluster of emotions that range from depression to regret.

The thought of never being able to see her father again is a source of confusion for her as if she went back when she was in second grade and could not explain why her mother was crying alone on the bed. The same sinking feeling that sucked her in and made her feel like she was falling into an eternal abyss, uncertain whether this feeling would ever subside.

However, sometimes she sees her father, smiling at her like he always did. She describes them as her “sweetest dreams”. She knows that when she wakes up from this state, he will disappear and she will once again be without a father. That vivid dream where his touch was gentle and his touch was warm haunts her.

She begins to regret her actions. If only she had known that her time with her dad would be so precious, she would not have expressed that annoyance towards him. If she had it her way every moment would have been nicer, sweeter, more pleasant. She would show him nothing but how much love she has for him.

However, she has to realize that her father is still with us. He will always have a presence in this world through the impact that he has had and her memory that keeps him alive. He thought that “watching [his] daughter graduate from college, walking her down the aisle, teaching [his] grandchildren how to fish” would not be a possibility, but he was mistaken. Although he has changed into a new form, he is still very much present, and is proudly smiling at what she has become.

About the Author: Jesi Kim is a senior enrolled in the Engineering School of the University of Pennsylvania, Class of 2015.

About the Model: Naomi Tsai is a senior enrolled in the College of the University of Pennsylvania, Class of 2015.