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Nefertari Williams: My Fight to Combat Loneliness

Nefertari Williams portrait. Black activist for women's heart health
Nefertari Williams. Photo: Tony Ward, Copyright 2023  

Text by Nefertari Williams,  Copyright 2023

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Styling by KVaughn

Hair and Makeup by Octavia Williams

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My Fight to Overcome Loneliness

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It was over. I looked across the table and found the courage to tell my husband that I felt it was time to end the marriage. 

I had a very difficult childhood. I (so I thought) was an only child and was raised by a disabled single mother who was in her late thirties when when she had me. We didn’t have much but we did have each other. We spent a lot of our time playing cute games like “I spy with my little eye”. But she often didn’t feel well so I was left to entertain myself most of the time. 

As I entered my teenage years I began to understand and respect the power of contentment. It’s ok to just be ok. Not happy, not sad – just content. Don’t get me wrong, I was a bubbly person (it was probably mostly nervous energy) but it served me well all the same. Once I found my appreciation for contentment I promised myself that I would not allow myself to be in any situation that would cause me to be unhappy. 

I made it through highschool where I even learned how to find joy in making achievements. It felt nice but I’d always remember that those feelings are fleeting but contentment didn’t have to be if I learned how to answer a few simple questions in my mind. “Are you safe ?”….. “Did you eat ?” ……. “Are you free ?”.  I’d ask myself these questions if ever I felt myself feeling sad because I didn’t have, like so many of my classmates and co workers, a large family at home to share my life with. 

Sleeping never came easy for me. By the time I graduated from highschool I realized I laid awake for hours pondering on issues that most 18 year olds probably even gave a second thought. One night I had to re-examine my theory on contentment. Was it enough? Was I settling for this content lifestyle when deep down I longed for more. I wanted companionship. So, I met a nice guy and when he chose not to use a condom one day, I didn’t protest. Early that next spring, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. 

Motherhood is amazing. You get to have a beautiful little life to love unconditionally for hopefully the rest of your life. However I soon realized that was not enough. My soul was longing for more. I had a boyfriend, I had friends and I had a mother but I realized that I had not taken the time to build a bond with this young man who now had to work while in college to help take care of our new baby so he had even less time to spend with me. 

I am a deeply spiritual person so I would find myself, while my baby was sleeping and in between community college classes and work shifts pondering over my purpose of existing. I even sank so low as to ask God why I was brought into this life only to have such a lonely existence. 

Years past, I eventually got married and gave birth to 3 more beautiful babies. I love being a mom to them. But I soon realized that I repeated history. I never took time to build a bond with the man that I chose to marry. It didn’t take long for the loneliness to settle in again. 

By this time I was in my middle 30’s and my mother had suffered a massive stroke leaving her unable to speak. I couldn’t help but question God again. Why was I left with now no one to talk to. How could this happen. Well if that pity party hadn’t been a hoot more disturbing news. Nine months into my 5th pregnancy I suffered a massive heart attack leaving me with a very damaged heart and a weak body. 

My baby and I survived that horrifying ordeal but the fight was not over. On the day that I was released to go home to my family was the day that I realized that all of my feelings of loneliness were not in vein. 

Being disabled, in so many cases go hand and hand with being lonely. I had dealt with both for years so when the opportunity arose for me to help others who better to understand the flight other than me. 

I chose to use this new thing called social media to help people make a connection during times of loneliness. I, with the help of my cousin who lived in another state, chose to set us a platform where people can join, post a picture and chat with each other. I called it “IN THIS TOGETHER”. It was an instant hit on Facebook. I didn’t make any money but it brought me so much joy scrolling around the World Wide Web looking for people who may just want to make friends, may want a spouse, may enjoy conversation or may be lonely. 

I started the group about a week after telling my husband of many years that I wanted out of our marriage. I had to try to see if taking time to meet someone and build a bond with what God had in store for me. I had to find out if maybe contentment was ok but was it enough with in a marriage. I didn’t know the answers to that. I had seen people who seemed to be totally “In Love” with in their marriage and it didn’t look like my marriage. 

So today, 11 years after setting up a site to help combat loneliness I have been told that the group has produced thousands of friendships, hundreds of marriages and couples (even some oops babies) yet the the quest to defeat loneliness still evades us. 

The saga continues. Why are so many Americans feeling so lonely? 

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About The Author:  Nefertari Williams is a jewelry maker, activist for women with heart disease and the mother of five beautiful children.  She lives in Willingboro, New Jersey.  This is Ms. Williams first contribution to Tony Ward Studio.

Joel Levinson: Behind The Scenes


Text by Joel Levinson, Copyright 2023

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Behind  The Scenes

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I FELT LIKE I was Marcello Mastroianni walking onto the film set for La Dolce Vita; a colorful cast of characters assembled in slightly exotic circumstances later than scheduled. The Dolce Vita feeling stayed with me, even intensified, as the afternoon progressed.

Tony had invited me to be a BTS (behind the scenes) photographer and I did my best to remain behind the scenes. It was his project and he had a specific vision of what was going to happen, in what order. So…in that context I knew I was merely a passive participant. I had once before shot in another photographer’s studio. On that occasion, it was my show with the model. But on this day, I happily marched to Tony’s drumbeats.

I have almost always photographed with natural light, not studio lights. My eye has been trained over many decades to see the results in advance…that is to say when I deem the daylight just right. Fortunately, there were several occasions through the day to shoot in natural light…in the studio, in his house, and in the garden that separated house from garden. In those moments, between setups, when I knew I didn’t have to be behind the scenes , I was free to pick my subjects and my moments to click the shutter. Not unusual, I shot things that were totally unrelated to the goal of the day. During the shoot, I kept wishing the studio had skylights but that isn’t Tony’s artistic MO.

One of my goals was to capture Tony at work…Tony in his element. It didn’t sink in when Tony invited me to the Dolce Vita event that there would be an artistic director. But first to arrive was KVaughn, a force unto himself; high energy, purpose-driven, stylish in his attire, and from my perspective, the most photogenic character in the studio and on the property. He was OK with me taking a few snaps when he was sitting near me on two occasions, when the daylight struck me as just right. He insisted on always having his glasses on…and he won out…most of the time.

Tony, dressed like he was on vacation but worked with focus…he worked like he was on anything but vacation. He was a pro through and through. I stayed out of the way, mostly behind him as he moved about. Sometimes he was up on a low stool to explore an alternative perspective. He seemed to be in three places at once.

Frankly, I went hoping to see some skin, but I saw less skin on this shoot than in a shopping center. I like shooting nudes (a great challenge to do well), but today the goal was otherwise. Ellen Tiberino, Tony’s subject, has a face that for me, was not easy to capture in studio lighting. When she sat down for a few minutes in the soft up light of a make-up counter, I saw what I was after in reflections of her in the makeup counter’s mirror. She was not aware, at the counter, that I was shooting (happily so…because I do best with candid shots), but at one point, I let on what I was doing and she willingly responded. Those mirror shots were some of my best ones of Ellen.

I also took a few candid shots of Tracey Olkus as she applied makeup or tweaked a few hairs on Ellen’s brow or around her shoulders. Regrettably, I took no separate shots of  Sam Binder as he did Tony’s bidding with the lights, the hand-held diffusing scrim, and the backdrop behind Ellen.

After the session, it was great to sit at a table under roof with everyone for a late but tasty lunch. We all relaxed and became old friends. The only person missing was La Dolce Vita’s director Federico Fellini.

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Portrait of architect and photographer Joel Levinson
Joel Levinson. Photo: Tony Ward, Copyright 2023

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About The Author: Joel Levinson is a veteran architect and photographer based in Philadelphia. Joel is currently working on a book of his photographs. This is his first contribution to TWS.

 

Neal Slavin: Enola Gay. An Assignment That is Hard to Forget

photograph of the cock pit of the Enola Gay. photo by Neal Slavin
Enola Gay. Aircraft Restoration Technicians. Photo by Neal Slavin, Copyright 2023

Text by Neal Slavin, Copyright 2023

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An Assignment That is Hard to Forget

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As the movie Oppenheimer is about to be launched I wrestle with thoughts and feelings I’ve had since 1987. In that year I was commissioned by the Washington Post Magazine to create a Neal Slavin Groups page comprised of Washington based Groups. I was introduced to Molly Roberts, the Picture Editor and together over the next two years we created 79 Group Portraits which ran on the back page every week under the title NEAL SLAVIN’S GROUPS. While there were many portraits that remain embedded in my mind the one pictured here remains the most potent. The picture is called AIRCRAFT RESTORATION TECHNICIANS. It ran on 9 August 1987. If you look closely you will see the technicians working on the outside of the famous/infamous airplane called the ENOLA GAY the airplane that dropped the bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. I remember walking up to the plane, looking at all the hand painted graffiti outside the fuselage wishing the men aboard good luck on their mission; (of course the grafftti was much more direct, specific and lurid than I describe here).

Looking for a location from which to shoot, my assistant Steve Hall and I decided to shoot from inside the cockpit looking out at the restorers. We were told we were the first civilians to enter the interior of the plane as restoration was still being completed. I remember trying to make sense of my feelings as we continued the shoot. I remember talking to Steve to check his feelings and his matched mine.

More recently as I think about the experience shooting this picture I found a position taken by “Revisionist” scholars which posits that Japan was ready to surrender and that the use of the bombs could have been avoided if Emperor Hirohito could remain on his throne. What would have happened to his people is not knowable but the unleashing of the atomic age where we could extinguish entire civilizations with one or two bombs might have been avoided.  Man’s cruelty to man is hard to talk about; it’s legendary, but talking about history that didn’t happen is wishful thinking because it looks back. Civilization’s role is to look forward. I just remember the sickening, quizzical feeling I got sitting in the Enola Gay’s cockpit.

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Portrait of famous photographer of large groups, Neal Slavin
Portrait of Neal Slavin by Ted Kawalerski, Copyright 2023

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About The Author: Neal Slavin is a world renowned photographer and film maker based in New York City.  To learn more about Neal Slavin, access his web site here: https://nealslavin.com/

Alcohol Consumption: Knowing When Enough is Enough

photograph in a bar from a drunk persons perspective
Photo: Tony Ward, Copyright 2023

Alcohol Consumption: Knowing When Enough is Enough

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Edited by Tony Ward

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Excessive alcohol consumption has been a pervasive problem in society for centuries, leading to numerous adverse health, social, and economic consequences. While moderate alcohol consumption can be part of social gatherings and cultural practices, going beyond the limits can have serious repercussions on individuals and communities. Understanding the dangers of excessive alcohol consumption is essential to promote responsible drinking and prevent the devastating effects it can have on lives.

Excessive alcohol consumption takes a severe toll on physical and mental health. Chronic alcohol abuse can lead to liver damage, cirrhosis, pancreatitis, and an increased risk of various cancers. The heart, brain, and nervous system can also suffer from long-term alcohol abuse, leading to cardiovascular diseases, cognitive impairments, and even permanent brain damage. Moreover, excessive drinking weakens the immune system, making individuals more susceptible to infections.

One of the most significant dangers of excessive alcohol consumption is the potential to develop addiction and dependency. Alcohol is a highly addictive substance, and individuals who consume large amounts regularly may find it challenging to control their drinking behavior. Over time, they become physically and psychologically dependent on alcohol, making it extremely difficult to quit without professional help.

Excessive alcohol consumption not only affects individuals but also has far-reaching social and economic consequences. Alcohol-related accidents, such as drunk driving, lead to injuries, fatalities, and property damage. The burden on healthcare systems increases due to alcohol-related illnesses and injuries. Additionally, alcohol abuse can contribute to unemployment, reduced productivity, and strained interpersonal relationships, placing a significant strain on communities and economies.

Alcohol impairs cognitive functions and judgment, leading to poor decision-making and risky behaviors. Individuals under the influence of alcohol are more likely to engage in dangerous activities, such as unprotected sex, drug abuse, and violence. This can lead to unintended pregnancies, sexually transmitted infections, and legal consequences, further exacerbating the negative impact of excessive drinking.

Excessive alcohol consumption can exacerbate existing mental health issues or contribute to the development of new ones. Alcohol is a depressant and can lead to increased feelings of anxiety and depression. Self-medicating with alcohol can worsen the symptoms of underlying mental health conditions, creating a harmful cycle that can be difficult to break.

Excessive alcohol consumption often strains relationships with family, friends, and partners. It can lead to conflicts, loss of trust, and emotional distance. Moreover, children growing up in households with alcohol abuse are more likely to experience neglect, abuse, and psychological trauma, affecting their development and well-being.

Knowing when enough is enough regarding alcohol consumption is vital to protecting our physical and mental health, preserving social connections, and maintaining a functional society. The dangers of excessive alcohol consumption are evident in the toll it takes on individuals, families, and communities. Raising awareness about the potential consequences of excessive drinking, offering support to those struggling with alcohol abuse, and promoting responsible drinking habits are essential steps in mitigating the impact of alcohol on our lives.

Ultimately, each individual bears the responsibility of knowing their limits and seeking help if they find themselves crossing dangerous thresholds. By acknowledging the dangers and making informed decisions, we can create a healthier and safer environment for everyone. Let us strive for a society where moderation, self-awareness, and support prevail, allowing us to enjoy life without succumbing to the perils of excessive alcohol consumption.

Studio News: A Masterclass in Portraiture by Neal Slavin

Large group photograph of fencers in ballroom photographed by the famous photographer, Neal Slavin
DC Fencers. Photo: Neal Slavin, Copyright 2023

A MASTER CLASS IN PORTRAITURE BY NEAL SLAVIN

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REGISTER TODAY: info@nealslavin.com

DATES:
TWO SPECIAL WORKSHOPS: Saturday, July 29 / Sunday, July 30, 2023 & Saturday, Aug 5th / Sunday, August 6th, 2023.

Requirements: camera & gear, a statement telling us something about yourself and your photography (may include a small sampling of your work) which should be sent to info@nealslavin.com before the workshop begins.

LOCATION: Neal Slavin Studio  62 Greene St. NYC.

DETAILS:  Workshop is limited to 8 students
10 AM – 5 PM / Morning coffee at 9:30 am / lunch included
Fee: $595.00 per student

TO REGISTER:  All participants must pay full amount via check or Pay Pal before start of workshop.

INSTRUCTOR:

Neal Slavin is a world – respected photographer and film director. His work includes a professional career of over 40 years, during which he has photographed a myriad of subjects including celebrities, notable dignitaries and is best known for his group portraits.

His teaching credits include classes and workshops at Les Recontres d’Arles in Provence, The Cooper Union, CUNY, SVA, the Ansel Adams Workshop in Yosemite, visiting artist at the Art Institute of Chicago and the International Center of Photography (ICP). His work is collected in both public and private institutions.

CLASS DESCRIPTION:

All artistic endeavors including photography come from the same place – in the belly!  Which one the artist uses to express him/herself is entirely the artist’s choice. What isn’t by choice is the influence the other arts contribute to the success of the artist’s chosen field, in our case photography. Through listening to music, drawing from the figure and listening to oral poetry we are able to create photographs that are honest and expressive. We will learn how to let those other disciplines help us in our creations. We come to understand that the rhythm we hear in a piece of music is the same rhythm made visible in a photograph. The lines in a drawing can be found in the shapes in a photograph. Sound crazy? Come aboard for a sensorial 2 days of experiencing the relationship between your photographs and the world of the arts!

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To access additional articles about Neal Slavin, link here: https://tonyward.com/ted-kawalerski-the-saudade-of-neal-slavin/