One of the joys of being a photographer for the past 40 plus years is that I’ve accumulated a large body of work and incredible visual memories. In this series of pictures, the subject met me only once but left a trail of images that brings back memories of the days, months and years I worked in Amsterdam photographing some of the most beautiful women in the world.
On September 25th, 2003 I was out having dinner and drinks at Club Nl, a very well known night club in the heart of the city that was frequented mostly by locals. This was the place where I often met with Dutch friends to enjoy Amsterdam’s nightlife. It was also a place where I scouted for models.
On this particular evening almost 30 years ago, Frans a close friend mentioned there was a young woman by the name of Layla who wanted to meet me for a casting. Arrangements were made for the prospective model to meet me at the apartment I was renting in the Red light District. Layla arrived on a beautiful sunny afternoon looking forward to the opportunity to meet me with hopes that she could model for one of the magazines of which I was a contributing photographer. She knew that I was a specialist in erotic photography so the sitting went smoothly as she was eager to exhibit her youthful beauty within this small sliver of time that has left lasting visual memories.
Portrait of Kitchie Ohh by ClickSave Photography, Copyright 2022
Text by Kitchie Ohh, Copyright 2022
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Memories
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We all know that sight, smell, and sound can trigger memory. Neuroscience has proven this to be true, finding that the same part of our the brain that processes our senses is also partly responsible for storing emotional memories. As someone who has on multiple occasions said “this smell reminds me of…” or immediately thinks of someone with just a few notes of a song, I am not at all surprised. I am shocked that it took actual scientific study, though, as it seems a clear and logical connection.
This sensory-emotional connection is very likely the reason the holidays are so overwhelming for many of us. We decorate, we prepare special foods that emit delicious smells, and listen to songs written and performed specifically for this season. These things are tradition, they’ve been done for centuries, passed through generations. It seems nearly impossible to not be triggered into remembering people and holidays past during the extended period of exposure.
While our senses can, and do, link happy memories to all of these things, if you’re anything like me, you sit with the opposite type for a little longer, and compare what is to what was. Who was there to who is gone now, or who wasn’t always but now is. Memory and feeling get all jumbled.
When I pull out the decorations, the ones I hand-selected to match my style and home, I can’t help but think of all the pieces I used to excitedly pull out of their storage boxes to help decorate my childhood home and our tree. There were definitely some ornaments that I tried to avoid using only to find that mom had pulled them out to display after I had finished. Those styrofoam, glittery apples were in a word: hideous. But the year we found the squirrels had gotten into the decorations and destroyed them was sad, and something I always think of when trimming the tree. Those apples were from my parents’ first Christmas tree after they were married. I get it now. Sorry, Mom, but they were still ugly.
When I bake my dozens and dozens of cookies, alone in my kitchen, in the organized, step-by-step, everything-must-be-uniform process I rely on, I remember the way we used to make them growing up. It was an explosion of sugar, flour, and so many sprinkles. It was chaos. The sweetest, happiest chaos of at least half a dozen people in the kitchen and dining room- mixing, rolling, filling, and decorating. Every surface in those two rooms got absolutely covered. We made such a mess. Again, sorry, Mom! But also, thanks. I also recall the batches of cookies that only Grammy made. I loved to see them, didn’t like to eat them – the anisette and almond extracts she loved were not my favorite, still aren’t. I would give up all of the baked goods in the world to have her at the kitchen table with those heavily flavored, secret recipe cookies of hers this Christmas.
I’m not at all religious these days, but a dozen years at Catholic school sure drilled an appreciation for those Christmas hymns into my head. I can even still sing a few of them in Latin. Though, I do prefer the non-religious carols and above all, enjoy the jazzy, swingy versions like those performed by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong. No matter what style they might be sung in, I cannot hear “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing” or “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” without giggling at my Poppy’s versions. In case you were wondering, he insisted they were “Mark and Harold Angels Sing” and “God Rest Ye Gerry Mendelson.” Newer versions of misheard lyrics have weaved their way into the holiday memories thanks to my nieces and nephews. I think Poppy would have loved them and sang along.
Laughing while crying, smiling but sad, enjoying the presence of others while unable to ignore the void left by those absent. The holidays as an adult have taken a more reflective turn for me. I appreciate that I am able to see Santa and remember that time Aunt Betty decorated her entire bedroom to be Christmas year round. Or that year I learned the truth about how presents magically appeared under the tree after I heard one go thumping down the steps with Grammy chasing behind it cursing in Italian like we didn’t know what she was saying. And the time our extended family pollyanna was too much for the restaurant and Nanny was asked to never book there again. (For the record, I do not blame the management of that establishment at all! We were a lot then, and even more now!) All the visits from distant family friends and relatives, the local ones too, that slowed, stopped and have since faded to memory. All of it that comes rushing back with the hustle and bustle of the holidays, brings with it a twinge of sadness, sure, but most importantly, overwhelming gratitude that in all my years on this planet, I have been completely surrounded by love. No matter what else may change, that never will.
There are at least 14 holidays that occur in December. Each, I am sure, comes with specific sensory-emotion-memory triggers. So whichever one is yours, I wish you the happiest, merriest, best one ever.
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Portrait of Kitchie Ohh by ClickSave Photography, Copyright 2022.
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About The Author:
Kitchie Ohh is a full-time professional fundraiser who has worked with a number of health and human services nonprofits for over the last 20 years, currently with a food-related Philadelphia nonprofit. She found her passion for modeling after a pinup-style photoshoot in 2013. Since then she’s worked with many talented photographers, stylists, hair and makeup artists in a variety of styles. She has been featured in -and on the covers of- multiple print and digital publications. Over the years she has branched out from pinup studio modeling to serve as a figure model for live sketching, walked a runway, and was part of two campaigns for local Philadelphia designer K. Vaughn.
In addition to her food insecurity-related work, she has also volunteered with art, historical, and community organizations, and even on the events team of a local brewery, pre-pandemic.
You’re just as likely to find her whipping up something deliciously plant-based in her kitchen or knitting a sweater as you are to find her on a photography set. Her motto is “be both.” The model and the homemaker, sultry and sweet, serious and silly. All the things, all at once.
Hola, My name is Shanell and I am a “Jane of All Trades and Master of None”. I have dabbled in almost every Artistic, Academic, Athletic and Spiritual endeavors one can possibly expose themselves to. I feel blessed to have an open mind and heart to be able to comprehend what I am absorbing from different kinds of people, places and things.
Most of all, Music has been one my favorite artistic endeavors, it runs through my family’s bloodline literally….I started when I was 6yrs old in Elementary school with a Music Aptitude test that I passed with flying colors which enabled me to receive an instrument of choice. My music teacher guided me to a room filled with instruments. It looked like a treasure chest! I wanted the Cello, they didn’t have one, so my teacher suggested the violin, but my arm length was too long. So ,she finally introduced me to the Viola and the start of my ongoing relationship with that instrument began.
Then in Junior high school came another desire to play another instrument, the Oboe. Once again, another unavailable instrument, but the teacher brought out an elegant beauty, the French horn. I was baffled because I had never seen this instrument before, so the teacher instructed that I had a week to blow one note in that instrument or move on. This instrument was meant to be mine, because by the end of that week, I got the note( a high C) and another musical relationship began.
I have another relationship with an instrument we all take for granted, the vocal cords. My singing journey began in a Baptist church set in a row house in the Historic “Black Bottom” section of Philadelphia. Most of my family was either in the choir, playing the drums or organ as well being a member on the church board. I had the chance to sing solos that were taught to me by my Aunt. Later on in life at High school I was singing in the bathroom stalls with my friend and we didn’t realize that there was another person present until she knocked on my bathroom stall and asked me to come out. She was a vocal teacher and an active Opera singer that had an interest in me becoming her student. I started studying with her and it turned out to be a very powerful relationship out of my musical “ménage a trois”. She guided my vocal career throughout the years( high school and college, beyond).
So one would wonder… What is holding me back? I would point the finger at those who didn’t believe in me and tried everything in they could to block me, but no, I need to get past that pain and realize it is me holding myself back. Why? It is because I have really terrible stage fright and I have to believe in myself more and become more centered. The very thought of becoming more focused and centered within myself has inspired me to take another step and start writing songs, here is one I would like to share with all of you, the song is Titled …
” Soul Centered “
Sittin’ on a Whim
Just Wastin’ Time
Feel like I’ve Lost
An Oasis
Traveling thru Time
A Rush of Feelings
To Get Up and Get Mine
Soul Centered
Is where I want to be
Soul Centered
Is where I want to free
Different but Familiar
From Afar
Sometimes it makes me
Wonder why you are
A Touch of Brilliance
Growin’ From Within
I’ve Trekked on Somethin’
Different why it’s a Sin
Soul Centered
Is Where I Want to Be
Soul Centered
Is Where I Want to Free
One Day I will be able to perform this Song during my Music Journey… Peace
Editor’s Note: This is Shanell Verandez first sitting with Tony Ward for the Vixen’s series. To see all of the work to date from the new series, click here: https://tonyward.com/new-work-the-vixens-series/
As a spiritualist, I am not someone who necessarily believes in coincidences. Every person we interact with, major event, or circumstance finds its way into our lives for a reason, whether we understand that reasoning at the time, or not. Throughout my childhood, my mother struggled to keep a roof over our heads, causing us to relocate often, sometimes multiple times in a year. At the time, I deemed the instability and hardship as a misfortune, but I always had a knack for making friends and adapting to new environments with ease. Being exposed to all cultures and walks of life made it easy for me to understand others. I could relate to anybody in a room full of strangers. People have always naturally gravitated towards me, which I assumed to be simply because I was a nice person. Little did I know, the universe was only setting the stage for a greater purpose much larger than my circumstances, destined to be fulfilled.
It wasn’t until within the last couple of years that I realized why the Universe has put me on the journey I’ve experienced so far. My humanitarian nature of giving back and helping others has gradually intertwined itself with my spiritual practices, and my love for the psychology of humans. This, along with being easily relatable, has allowed me to explore and expand on my purpose of healing others around me. Whether it be through my tarot reading, spiritual guidance, or simple positive reinforcement, inner healing and balance is extremely important in the midst of this chaotic 3D reality. No amount of value could ever be placed on the genuine satisfaction it gives me to be able to guide others in their healing to become a better version of themselves. Past experiences I once saw as a burden, I now consider a blessing in disguise. A gift from the universe, if you will. A gift that has molded me into someone who is compassionate, empathetic, logical and raw, wrapped in high frequency vibrations meant to enlighten those I encounter.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR : Milan is originally from New York, now residing in Philadelphia. Aspiring model and real estate broker. Free thinker. Humanitarian by nature. Spiritual revolutionary in the making. To access previous articles by Milan Burnett, click here: https://tonywardstudio.com/blog/i-am_that_i_am/
So, what am I up to these days? Sexually, of course.
Who am I as a woman, a lover…someone who knows herself in a way that is shaped by my past.
This question is deep and substantial, but let’s focus on the present. The satisfaction of knowing my desires and needs and being able to obtain them is something that many never achieve.
So here is a little of me.
Let’s talk of “simple pleasures” which are not simple in any sense. Having my lover against me, so intense, their scent, the quite whispers, giggles and moans of pleasure as we enjoy intimacy and connection. An experience reached by opening one’s mind and vulnerabilities to their partner. To allow myself to open this way can only described as “next level” and goes well beyond sexual actions.
Toys are something that are always a part of my fun. I have a convenient spot where they are kept in a box that can be locked. Even big girls need a toy box. Inside is an expansive collection of playthings, so many that sometimes I forget a few. When away from home, there are one or two hidden away for use in whatever situation may arise. Creativity…solo or otherwise is always welcome.
I am a tease. Leaning in and quietly suggesting scenarios that cannot be played out is appealing. Sending pictures at times of the day when it is genuinely distracting makes me giggle. Texting suggestive ideas, building on it and abruptly ending the conversation? Not me! Sharing that, “My fingers were between my thighs a few minutes ago.” when out for a meal or in a public place achieves such pleasing results. Sharing one of my sexy written stories and knowing exactly the response it will create warms me up in all the right ways. Mentioning in passing that, “I’m not wearing panties.” or saying that, “I want to get on my knees and linger there for a long, long time.”This is who I am.
Porn, naughty stories and “dressing up” are things I incorporate into my days and nights. Spontaneity should not be overlooked. Sliding my hands up a shirt or down past a waistband in a dark corner of a public place? Yes please.Climbing on a lap in a car. What surface of the house is yet to be explored? How about a public restroom? Always ready for the challenge. A quickie on the kitchen counter? How fast can my panties drop??? Tie me up, spank me, cover my eyes and surprise me!
Treat me like the Vixen that I am.
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About The Author:
Meg is a tenacious person. She has a lot of interesting life stories and likes to challenge herself by learning and trying new things. She is an excellent cook and baker. She can make and decorate elaborate cakes.Health and fitness are a part of her lifestyle. She bought and is living in a foreclosure which she is making her own room by room. She is certified to teach pistol because she believes a woman should be comfortable defending herself. She enjoys hiking and is completing a certification in personal training. She is a badass 50 plus year old woman living life to its fullest.
