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Sierra Levin: More Than Sadness

Photography and Text by Sierra Levin

Meet Graham. Graham was your average college student. He went to class, he had a job, and his relationship was better than ever. Life seemed great and from the outside no one would have suspected anything was wrong. On the inside, Graham was suffocating.

Graham suffered from Major Depressive Disorder. Major Depressive Disorder (noun) : “a mood disorder having a clinical course involving one or more episodes of serious psychological depression lasting two or more weeks each … and are characterized by a loss of interest or pleasure in almost all activities … difficulties in thinking or making decisions, loss of self-esteem or feelings of guilt, and suicidal thoughts or attempts.” (Merriam Webster)

Some days were better than others and Graham had not self-harmed, thought about killing himself or abused drugs or alcohol in a long time. His girlfriend Sara was his support system. She meant everything to him and she frequently texted him reassuring messages to help keep his spirits high. He thought like he was the luckiest man on Earth to be dating a girl like Sara. Graham felt strongly that life would be pointless without her.

Then one day, everything changed when out of nowhere Sara told Graham that she could no longer be with him. His unstable mental health was simply too much for her to handle. She felt as though she was more his therapist than his girlfriend, and she had found someone else. In addition, Graham found out that Sara had been cheating on him. How could this happen? How could something he thought was so amazing go so wrong? He was more than heartbroken – he was completely shattered.

Graham’s life had continued to spiral downward faster than he could handle. His symptoms were at their worst and he was struggling severely. He started failing his classes. He couldn’t focus, he had no appetite, and he had no energy to even get himself out of bed anymore. His friends were uneducated about the relentlessness of depression, and thought he would be able to pull himself together eventually, just like they did when they were upset. They were wrong. Not because Graham wasn’t strong enough, but because depression is more than just sadness. Graham’s depression was eating away at his spirit. The days dragged on and turned into weeks that felt like months. Graham’s medications seemed to taunt him with their symptom-relieving abilities. He felt like a burden to his parents with his mental illness and medical bills. Graham had no will to live anymore. His existence seemed meaningless.

“What is the point of living? I’m better off dead.”

This story and the characters portrayed are both completely fictional. If, however, you feel connected to this story and have been experiencing similar symptoms, please reach out and get help. You are not alone. You can reach the Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) at UPenn by calling (215) 898-7021. If you or anyone you know is expressing suicidal thoughts, or need guidance for either yourself or someone you know, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1 (800) 273-8255, or the Penn Student run hotline (RAP line) at 215-573-2727.

Want to know more? CAPS at UPenn offers a variety of workshops on how to manage stress, detect and help other students in distress, as well as suicide prevention, crisis intervention and more. You can also become certified in Mental Health First Aid with the Healthy Minds Philly free training. Be a friend, get educated, and save a life.

About The Author: Sierra Levin is a senior enrolled in the School of Nursing, University of Pennsylvania, Class of 2016.

Ram Annamalai Thennaapan: The Traditional Indian

Photography and Text by Ram Annamalai Thennaapan

Indian traditional wear is one which has gathered the appreciation all over the world for its distinctive styles and vibrant colours. This rich culture where every colour has its own significance, has its distinctive fashion every 50 to 100 miles geographically throughout India. For the Indians who leave their homes behind, traditional clothes and cuisine is something looked forward to for comfort. Besides that wearing one’s traditional outfit makes one proud of being from the Indian culture and it definitely the case regarding these models.

Some outfits depicts a girl who is on her regular day probably at work/home. Some outfits are more embellished and gives a sense of importance to the event to which it is worn, a party or a formal event. Other styles with similar kinds of clothes with minor variations can be used on a man as well.

The important thing to notice in all of these fashions is the use of unstitched cloth. For the women, it is used mainly as scarves and in certain occasions it is used to drape around the whole body in the form of a saree. And used by men as a sort of pant. Yes, the “pants” worn by men in most traditional functions is almost never stitched. It is one piece of cloth.

This fashion arises from texts which says that if you loosen up your body to a well enough extent and the clothes that are worn aren’t constricting, it enables your life to flow through you. Modern science says wearing loose clothes improves blood flow through the body and it is only a matter of time before the rest is proven also.

About the Author: Ram Annamalai Thennaapan is enrolled in the Graduate School of Architecture, University of Pennsylvania.

Pain-ful Employment: A Day in the Life

Pain-ful Employment: A Day in the Life

Photography and Text by Jane Lief Abell

He says he, “does comics” for a living. In truth, he’s an illustrator, and a storyteller, and a writer, and much more. For 12 hours a day, he stoops over his drawing table, bringing monsters and robots and people to life with pencil, brush, and ink. Other days he sits, staring into the computer screen, writing, editing, learning.

And how is he rewarded for this work? His back and neck ache ceaselessly. Recently, he’s been standing while he draws. It helps for now; just like tennis balls worked last week. When it rains, or when he’s hunched over a computer all day, or maybe when he doesn’t draw, he still grinds his teeth in pain. His muscles are perpetually tense from stress and overuse; but when he went to the doctor last week, he found out his insurance had been suspended.

Overall, he is happy. This morning, at least, he’s happy. It’s a beautiful day, so he grabs a coffee from a nearby café and sits on a park bench, taking in the passers-by and considering his day. On this autumn day, with enough cash to splurge on a cappuccino and time to savor it, he appreciates the flexibility his work enables. His art is his work and his life, a dangerous and thrilling combination invigorated by the trifecta of sun, sugar, and caffeine, he is ready to draw. He’ll finish that project for Joe, and do mock-ups for the next edition of Red-Eye, or maybe spend a few hours with his anatomy books.

He soon realizes that his body has other plans. On the walk home, his pace slows as his back begins to cramp. He pauses in front of a fence and catches his breath, shortened from the pain. These are the moments when despair sets in.

Back at home, after hours of trying—and failing—to work, he leans on the balcony in sadness. On days like today, he feels like his body is rebelling against him. How else could you explain his constant pain and suffering? If it didn’t recur every day, he might even ask why it always seems to hit right when inspiration strikes? He’s being melodramatic, and he knows it; but he’s at his wit’s end. His body can take no more for the night, and he feels defeated.

The next morning, Derick wakes refreshed. Never one to be burdened by yesterday’s sorrows, self-improvement drives his everyday. He wants to prove people wrong and to impress them. His focus and his dedication, and his will to do his very best, are what have gotten him this far, and he’s not about to give up just yet.

About the Author: Jane Lief Abell is a graduate student at the University of Pennsylvania studying Anthropology, with a concentration on Muslim communities.

Max Wang: Mano a Mano

Posted on October 22, 2015 by Max Wang

Mano a Mano

Tensions run high as the temperature drops. Each competitor sizes the other up, ready to face off at the drop of a leaf. They hurtle towards each other like freight trains. Again, and again, and again, fists fly with deadly precision, knocking the wind out of the other into the frigid air.

The modern man is bold and never backs down to a challenge. He dares to wear prints, fur, colours, and textures. He shies away from no cut, no accessory that might give him the upper edge. He deems it appropriate to wander the cutting frontier of fashion and knock down any man that may doubt his choices – put in his place any man who seeks to upstage him.

It then happens that two alpha males come into confrontation. A cataclysmic clash is inevitable. In suits, sweaters, coats, and hats to shield them from the elements, the duelists engage, somehow always maintaining their impeccable grooming and dignity. In this battle for honour there are growls, grapples, swift dodges, and forceful lunges. Left hooks, right hooks, uppercuts and roundhouse kicks abound, too many to count, only experienced by the welts and bruises left behind.

Each man stays true to his specific style – both in dress and in battle.

The contest is close; their strengths are evenly matched. It seems like the fight is coming to an end. But unexpectedly, out of nowhere comes one last blow – it’s a knockout!

The question is: who won?

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